December 2010
31st of December 2010. The last day of the year. The day you could say “hey, I’ve made it through 364 days, here’s to the last day, let’s start over.” NYE just reminds me of what a struggle the past 364 days have been, and I honestly really don’t look forward to going back to Day 1. Would it make a difference? What I’m curious to know is how much I’ll change a year from now. What I’ll be thinking of on 31 December 2011. Fuck new year resolutions. Maybe if I just sit out of all the celebrations for NYE and let the time quietly pass til it turns 1-1-11, maybe it won’t feel like Day 1 but Day 366. All I’m saying is, does it even make a difference?
I'm trying to be a better person, because I'm not happy with who I am. I'm not good enough to bring about the change that I imagine, and I have to work towards that goal, every single day of my life. It's the fight that never ends.
Have you ever been so upset you just completely broke down alone by yourself. Your parents can't tell and nor can your friends because you hide it behind a smile. You know you're not okay. Yet again, no one knows how you feel and you don't bother telling them because they have their own lives to deal with. So you store all your problems, all your sorrow, all your tears, all your hurt and all your pain. You'll take it out some other day, but not today.. Today's not the day. Because here's to the nights you delt with more than you bargained for. All those sleepless nights crying so hard you couldn't breathe. To the nights you couldn't wait till everybody grew up because you were sick of them judging you. To all those nights you wished things would just get better. To all those good nights that turned to bad. To all those nights you wished you were older. To those nights that unfortunately came too soon.
“I didn’t plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt if you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has happened only once and that’s why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I’ll never forget a single moment of it.”
—The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks (via meaganelisee)
“I want somebody to sleep with the rest of my life, and cuddle up during a movie, on a couch. Stay up all night talking about nothing. Get lost in the woods together. Challenge me, challenge him. Talk about dreams, make dreams. Have fights, the kind that only really matter as long as you’re having them. Someone I can wrestle with, you know, play hard sometimes and not worry about break a nail or an arm. A guy who will bring me flowers once in a while, maybe a rock too, or a shell of some sort. Something he saw that made him think “this might make my girl smile” as he smiles to himself. A guy who wants me, even needs me, just a little, enough to hold onto me with everything he’s got.”
—(via raindropsonredroses)
He really loves me and all I feel is g u i l t y.
